![]() All the other Westerners in the room nodded in agreement-for they, too, struggled against demons of self-hatred. He kept asking Salzberg for further clarification: Who is the person that you hate? Who is the enemy? Who is it that are you in conflict against? And she kept reiterating: Myself. He kept having to consult with his interpreter to make sure he had heard her right. This was not because his English was poor it was because he literally did not understand the question. The Dalai Lama did not understand the question. When Salzberg had the opportunity to ask the Dalai Lama a question, she invited him to shed some wisdom and hope upon the terrible problem of self-hatred. In 1990, the meditation teacher and author Sharon Salzberg met the Dalai Lama for the first time-in a gathering that included many other prominent philosophers, psychologists, and spiritual leaders. Liz and I will also be hosting a virtual workshop on this subject later this afternoon-it’s available for paid subscribers. I’m excited to share with you Liz’s newsletter, Letters from Love, and the essay and prompt below, which she penned especially for the Isolation Journals community. I’m curious and eager to tap into that power myself, and recently I’ve been saying to her, “I want to learn how to really do this.” Liz’s answer is always the same: “It’s so simple-I can teach you.”Īnd that’s exactly what I have in store for you today. Over the years, she has sent me voice memos of her daily letter from love, and there’s something contagious about listening to that voice-even secondhand. So I do believe in this practice, both because of what I saw that day, and because I've seen how Liz channels it. Her suffering and shame were palpable, but the love she tapped into that day was one of the most powerful things I’ve witnessed in my life. She was unhoused and living at a women’s shelter, and because of that and other struggles, she had recently surrendered her son for adoption. I eventually overcame that fear, and I wrote that letter, though my memory of it has been eclipsed by the letter of the woman who sat next to me. (At that point, I didn’t know that Liz would never make someone share against their will.) The other fear was a deeper one: What if I ask love to speak to me, and it doesn’t say anything back? One was that I was terrified I would have to read mine aloud. That day, I felt a huge amount of resistance and fear about writing my letter, for two reasons. In it, she shared Letters from Love, her decades-long practice of tapping into unconditional love with a simple question: “Love, what will you have me know today?” I first met Liz a few months before the pandemic, when I attended a workshop she led. I’ve talked about this at length with my dear pal, the beloved and bestselling authorĮlizabeth Gilbert. So many of us are wracked with feelings of not being or doing enough. I’ve heard from friends, from acquaintances, from members of this beloved community. I know I’m not alone in this struggle to meet myself with compassion and lovingkindness. I find myself frustrated when I can’t do both. But I’m constantly aware of my energy reserves, and sometimes showing up for others in the way that I’d like and caring for myself feel at odds. I’d like to give abundantly, to support friends and loved ones and even strangers in any way I can. ![]() I often feel like I’m beyond capacity in every area of my life, and I worry about disappointing people, both personally and professionally. This self-criticism shows up most fiercely for me when I’m writing, but in the last few years, it has mushroomed. As someone who struggles with the impossible (at times toxic) tandem of perfectionism and hyper-productivity, I rarely get in bed at night and think, I did good today. But when it comes time to apply that same instruction to myself, I find it difficult. It’s so easy for me to summon that kind of compassion for others-honestly, it’s the most natural thing in the world. I always say, “Don’t talk about my friend like that.” Whenever I hear someone I love being hard on themselves-whether referring to something they did, how they look, or a habit they can’t kick-I have a little rejoinder.
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